Small epiphany

I think I just had another small epiphany.  And I want to document it here, because this blog is supposed to be about unblocking my writers block.

Are you ready?  Well here it is.  Here's my epiphany: I am not writing what I know.

Duh.

When I think about this first fiction book I tried to write, it is about 25% what I know and 75% what I don't know.  And that's not going to work!  Hello Elizabeth.

I've got to restructure it.  I've got to rework my storyline, my setting, and some of my characters.  I've got to make the story such that the characters have traits I know and understand, the setting is a place I am familiar with and can write about, and the storyline has plot twists that I have experienced.  How else will I be able to write a good book?

All of Hemingway's books are dark and have a sad tone to them.  All of Sparks' books are love stories set in North Carolina.  All of Toni Morrison's books address black issues.

Wow.  Big fat DUH!

So what do I know?  Well here is my list of the things I know, to help get me going.

• Heartbreak
• Abuse
• Loss
• Death
• Missing parents
• A special grandmother
• Boredom
• Dance
• Shyness
• Failure
• Writing
• Reading
• Cooking
• Being bullied
• Love
• Motherhood
• Texas
• Beaches
• Corporate jobs
• Public education
• Gardening
• Weather
• Depression
• Deep friendships
• Betrayal

Hmmm.  There.  That's a good list to get me started.   Go me! :)

Brainstorm

So I'm due to publish another post.  Long overdue really.

I've been reading a lot lately.  I guess I'm back in one of my spells where I can't be enough of a bookworm!  I want to eat, sleep, and breathe books.  That happens every so often, and it's really too bad my always-bored brain can't focus like that for very long.  I love it when I'm glued to paper, tracing the words with my brain, creating visions in my head.

Doing so has made me think a lot about that book I started writing last year.  The one I put down back in, oh, November or December and never picked up again.

Why?  Because I'd run out of ideas.

And I'm still out of ideas, honestly. 

So I've been thinking about what I need to do to get it flowing again.  Taking cues from the things I'm reading, and from plot development techniques and dialogue.  And I've figured out I really just need to do one thing...

Sit down, and make an outline for my book. That means figuring out the major events that are going to happen, the plot twists and the climax, and how I'll really end things. 

That's why I can't write.  Duh, Elizabeth.  I have no idea where I'm going.  I had some initial ideas and started down a clear white road.  Concrete...visible.  And then it ended in a fog.  And I've stopped, waiting patiently for the fog to lift.  Except it doesn't lift.  It sits. 

So I look backwards and see the white concrete first solid, and then blurry, and then as I move my eyes forward completely gone.  And I stare at it, wondering what to do and where to go next.

So rather than keep sitting there puzzled, my brain envisions an outline.  And the fog starts to clear for the first time.  Not all the way, but just a bit...enough to see where I'm going again.  And to start down the road again.  And to write again.

So let's get that outline going Elizabeth!  Move it!

Challenge myself

Ok so tonight I think I'm just going to find something in my apartment that I will write about.  A challenge per say.  How about...my shower curtain.  Ok here we go.

A shower curtain might say, I have such a boring life.  I just hang here, swaying, putting my best face forward.  An emblem in a small space.

But actually, a shower curtain has intimate knowledge of the people who pass by.  Who else has a set of eyes in the most private room of a home?  Sure, a bedroom is private.  But people often share a bedroom without restriction.  Even when a bathroom is shared, the door is sometimes closed and bolted shut.

But a shower curtain...well a shower curtain never gets shut out.  It's privy to all kinds of personal things.  It knows your routine, from the moment you wake to the moment you prepare for slumber.  It sees your friends, in ways you never do.  It's really got an exciting life when you think about it.  Who else can spy on everyone without even being noticed?

Hmmm...that was weird.  Well, it was a challenge.  Will publish it anyway!

Fiction or Fact

I chose to title this post "Fiction or Fact" just because I wanted to be different.  One of the things I struggle with as a writer is writing fiction.  I'm wondering if that means I'm just not meant to write fiction?  But rather fact - or, nonfiction.  Well, I guess nonfiction doesn't have to be fact does it?  It could be my opinions.

So I guess my blog title is bunk.  But I'll leave it as is.

What appeals to me about fiction is it allows a greater manipulation of words and bending of reality.  It allows creativity and beauty, in trying to express what you mean rather than say it outright.

But yet my strength has always been nonfiction.  I am paid daily to write facts.  I'm paid to write material that is clear, concise, and makes sense.  And now I'm paid to write things that teach, in addition to those other things.

I like it, but yet how does writing stuff like that make a mark or affect people in some way?  I think I have to morph it somehow.  I'm not sure.

I wonder what my first step should be in trying to write a book again?  I'm thinking maybe I need to outline something this time around.  Because that's what I do in my day job.  I don't just start writing, like I do in my blogs.  I have an outline and I fill it in as I go.

So probably whether I'm writing fiction or fact, or my opinions, or whatever...I need to have a fully developed outline for whatever it is I'm writing about.  No winging it for me.

And maybe that's the point of this blog...for me to realize that I'm not a "winging it" kind of writer.  And that doesn't mean that words don't flow out of me once I get going, just like other good writers.  That just means I need a starting point and a destination for the words to flow between.  Without it, I'm picturing a flood that rushes through and then, suddenly, stops.  It's run dry.

Yeah.  Maybe that's my problem.

I dreamt of writing novels

So for a long while now, probably a decade, I've thought about how my dream is to write books.  It's funny what I see in my head.  I see myself spending hours laboring over something I love, looking out the window, petting my cats.  Out of the corporate spotlight.

As much as I've desired to write books over the years, I've always felt a block standing in my way.  Not really a block, but more like a three foot thick concrete wall that shoots out of the ground and up into the sky.  Can't go over it, can't crawl under it, can't go around it.  Sort of like the Berlin wall, but my own personal prison.

I'm not sure why this is or what the problem is.  But as I mentioned in my first post on this blog, I think I just don't know what to write about.  The writing ability is on this side of the wall, but the creativity and ideas are on the other side.   And for some reason I can't merge the two.

If I stop and really think about my life, I do still have these idealistic dreams of being a great writer.  Publishing not one but many books, some receiving acclaim.  A few affecting people in a positive way.

Me making my mark on history and leaving a piece of myself to humanity.  Just as my favorite authors have done through their storytelling.

So I guess I need to hang on to that dream.  But I do need to figure out what I'll write about.  I need to find a topic close to my heart that will hold my interest, and that makes the words flow out of my fingers and onto the screen in an almost blind way, my brainwaves flatlined as the text creates itself.

It's a dream, and I hope I get there.  We'll see where I go from here.

So I started another blog

I'm giving myself less than 10 minutes to write this first post.  Because it's late and I'm tired!  But since I created this blog today, I figured I'd better make my first post.

I started this blog at the suggestion of a writer friend who, when I complained of writer's block, said I should start a blog about it.  So I guess what I'm going to do is just write about my struggles as a writer.  My chief problems being a lack of confidence in my artistic creativity, and a feeling of despair that I will never write anything worth publishing.

It's silly really, because mechanically I'm really a good writer.  I know I can write.  But the problem is, I don't often know what to write about.  Unless it just comes to me, sort of like right now.

I think if I just knew what to write about then I could spit out books so fast, that I'd be one of those people that get designated as "prolific writers".  That would be cool.  So I'm thinking since I attempted a fiction novel and failed there, I've got to remind myself that I failed because I didn't know what I was writing about.

The moral of this tangent is...if I'm going to write, I better write non-fiction or I better have some sort of outline for any fiction I might do.

But more on that later.

It's been about five minutes, and I think I've written enough for now.  Hey, it's a start.