The Thrill (and Fear) of Finishing a First Draft

So yesterday, May 31, I finished a first draft of my first book. This was not my first attempt at writing a book, however. It was actually my third attempt. And because of that there is a certain amount of deserved elation with finally finishing a full draft.

So I spent most of yesterday allowing my brain to jump up and down, and to imagine the possibilities of what may be coming later this year (that being a finished book that someone might actually read!).

But there's also a certain amount of fear that flows with the feelings of pride and accomplishment.

Is it any good?
What if it totally sucks?
Does it make any sense?
Is there a story there?

After spending months of your life working on something as deep as a book, it's a little bit scary to think about actually going back and reading what you wrote. Because when you've allowed yourself to just spill words onto a page without analyzing as you go (which is what I had to do to finally get this draft done and out of my head), then you're left in some darkness about what you just spent the last few months writing about.

Not total darkness, I guess. But it does feel like you'll be reading it for the first time. And let's be honest, you kind of are. Writing your writing and reading your writing don't really happen at the same time. Not if you want to accomplish anything on your first draft anyway.

And so with thrill and fear I have sent my manuscript to Kinkos (ok well they call themselves FedEx now) to print out so I can look at it with completely fresh eyes. And a red pen. And make notes about what works and what doesn't.

But even though my anxiety is quite high, it's not high enough to replace the excitement of actually finishing a draft after two failed attempts. What a ride! May that excitement carry me through the editing and revision process, and help me stay positive and encouraged about the story I'm trying to tell.