Discontentment is Motivation

I was sitting on my couch feeling a little sorry for my husband and myself. We were supposed to be having an adventure in Florida, celebrating my birthday with Mickey Mouse and the ocean, and instead we are trapped at home while he ices his injured knee. It's not been a good day overall, but I did notice a writing itch building a few hours ago.

I ignored it for a long time. I've been ignoring it for days really. I always feel like I have a million reasons why I can't write (being tired, feeling depressed, tending to my husband, not knowing what to say, needing to do paying work) but honestly it always boils down to fear. And I've not figured out the secret to overcoming it yet.

I don't know what the tipping point was today, but after dinner I decided to write about what was bugging me currently - how life doesn't ever go as planned. It was another essay for my book and it ended up being almost 1500 words, which was a pretty good contribution for one day even if it turns out to be all crap.

I think that discontentment can be a supreme life motivator, with the caveat that it has to be at a certain level. You have to feel knocked down, trapped, nowhere to go - but also still energized somehow. Otherwise you just get depressed and stew in inertia, spinning in circles like that hamster wheel I talked about.

I really wish this happened more often but it seems like the mix just usually isn't right. I'm not able to put the negative energy aside in pursuit of a higher goal. And that's where the inertia gets in the way. I kick the discontentment aside for...depression, black holes, mindless social media scrolling, general time wasters.

I'm encouraged that I wrote something finally today, since I've been feeling it coming for a few weeks (I wrote about it not too long ago). I guess that for me, when I'm being blocked by fear, discontentment is sometimes enough to overcome those emotions and actually move toward action. So maybe that's the secret. Or maybe I'm just a scared, unmotivated wannabe writer who can't get anything done. ;)