Intent And Effort Are The First Steps To Success

So I've still been writing, although I did take a bit of a break for the holiday (and also to wallow in rock bottomness; it's been a tough couple of months).

But I'm starting to formulate thoughts about what I actually want to write about. How I actually want to write creatively. What will make me happy. What I'm good at, or what I could be good at. 

And I feel like that's a positive movement even though it's still mostly in my head. I still haven't produced anything to show anybody, and I'm still sort of afraid and hiding behind a curtain. Although again, it's only been a couple of weeks since I even cared enough to try.

I posted a question in a writers group yesterday about how to come back when you've been away for over a year. When you haven't written a single word beyond what you have to do for work, because aspirations have to take a back seat to everything else when you're in survival mode.

I didn't get a lot of great suggestions except to just keep writing and to not judge what comes out. Which, if you read this blog, is something I've been trying to do for a long, long time. I do wonder if, after the experiences of the past two years, I'll have a bit of an easier time with it now.

I spit out a poem last night before I fell asleep. And I mean literally right before I fell asleep. I was reaching over to turn the light off, which was to be followed by me immediately smushing my face into my pillow, when I decided I had to write down a phrase that popped into my head.

So I reached over for my little black notebook, wrote down said phrase, and tried to quickly expand it into something more. I read it when I was done (with a shrug) and placed the black notebook in its spot on the night stand. I haven't looked at it since.

I *feel like* I wasn't all that successful in creating much of a poem, but I'm going to do myself a favor and decide if it *actually sucks* later. Because if I keep judging everything that comes through my fingertips I'm never going to get anything accomplished.

Therefore, I say to the internets, tonight my hubby plans to go play basketball and I'm going to take my first stab at writing a personal essay of some sort. I made a list of potential topics yesterday, so I'll pick one and just go with it. Maybe it won't be worth much. Maybe it will be worthy of a trip to the nearest trash can. But the intent is there. The effort is there. And aren't those the first steps to success?