Finding Meaning In Small Habits. Writing Is What Does The Writing.

Today I'm sitting down to write while struggling with massive fatigue, nausea, chills, hot flashes, stomach upset, the works. My life is fun some days, although I still try to approach everything with a grateful heart.

I'm proud that I've been keeping it up. I haven't written many blog posts because I've been writing essays, and poetry, and (wait for it)...creating memes on my new Instagram account.

I have to say, this meme thing has been unexpectedly fun and meaningful for my spirit. It gives me the opportunity to be creative in short little bursts, and to send something out into the world immediately with the sort of instant gratification most of us want these days. And I know it's a little silly on the surface, but I think we need to find meaning wherever it pops up. For me, it popped up in a groovy little typeface app that lets me design stuff for Instagram.

In case you were wondering what I'm doing exactly, I'll give a one sentence summary: I'm mixing colors and pictures and fonts with quotes and exposition and thoughts to create something that feels meaningful to share. And I think that's pretty cool. You can follow me over here if you want to take a look.

Aside from that, I've banged out several essays and a few poems over the last week. And I've also secured a ghostwriting gig for a book, which I'm really excited about. And I've started to notice some patterns that I probably realized before but simply didn't make actual note of. That being that I find I write best, or am driven to write the most, during the transitions between day and night. It's like my spirit wakes up at these times and I can sit down at my keyboard, or pull out my little black poetry notebook, and spit words out without getting in my own way. Without my inner critic or runaway emotions taking over and shutting down the party.

I'm getting better at that, though. I'm reading a really excellent writing book right now that I've had on my bookshelf for about two years called Writing Down the Bones. One of the things the author says is that when you are writing, the writing is doing the writing. It's not your mind doing the writing. Your fingers are just documenting whatever is streaming through from wherever things like that come from.

And it makes sense to me, because when I get in a groove I'm not really thinking about much of anything consciously. The words are coming out too fast for me to think about them, which is why I generally prefer typing over using a pen - I can actually kinda sorta keep up with my thoughts. When I get behind, my thinking brain starts kicking in and the magic (and the flow) stops. My only exception is poetry, which I always seem to write by hand. Almost as if I need to pause and consider the words as they come out, although I have to herd my thinking brain along and out of the way sometimes.

So that's what I've been up to lately, aside from plunging back into the depths of chronic illness after what was a really excellent eight to nine days of feeling pretty good. But I had those days, and I know they will come again. At least I have something to hang onto. And I have my writing. And my new Instagram hobby.