When Bills Get In Your Way

I'm having a struggle right now between paying bills and living my purpose. What's a writer to do? I know, I know, "Write in your spare time, get up early and write, write on the weekends!" That's what people like to say and that's what some people like to do. The trouble is, it doesn't work that way for everybody.

For me, my creativity and motivation are completely sapped out when my work life becomes overwhelming, under-stimulating, or invasive. I'm sort of in that spot right now. Plus, you know, I need "free time" that doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer. That means I want to read, to spend time with loved ones, or to go outside when I'm not working or writing stuff for other people. My first thought after a long day isn't to go back to my computer to pound out more words on the keyboard.

I keep telling myself that "someday" I'll be able to work less at my day job, and then I can focus more on my personal writing. Or at least focus more on the things that most interest me - but that seem to pay shit. But then the reality is that life keeps getting more expensive by the year. I'd like a home of my own someday, and I want to travel, and there are medical bills to pay.

And every year I have to work a little bit harder to try to keep up with the rising costs. Which means I can't truly follow my passions unless I want to physically live in a ramshackle closet. I'll figure it out, though. I know I will.

I was reading an article in a magazine last night about why people pursue goals for years or for decades. The author said that it gives them something to come back to. A constant. A sense of purpose that sort of runs beneath the surface of their daily lives like a centuries-old groundwater supply. And I suppose that's what my current book project has turned into. My sense of purpose that I keep coming back to.

Although I can't help but wish that I could have my cake and eat it, too. You know, be able to do the type of writing I want to do but still be able to live a comfortable life. I suppose that's never been the reality for most artists throughout the course of time, but I wonder if it's getting even harder today? Or maybe I'm just looking for an explanation that doesn't exist.

Tomorrow I will write. And if not then, well, I'll write the next day. And if I don't have the time when the next day comes, I'll write the next week.

I just hope I don't run out of days.