Tuesday, February 13, 2018

The Writing Life

I'm currently into my second week of what I call "The Writing Life." Although technically I suppose it's my first week since I spent three days of last week on vacation.

The writing life looks like something I always wished I'd had. I get up in the morning (sometimes very slowly depending on how I'm feeling that day) and I make my breakfast. I clean the kitchen, take care of my morning chores, and maybe watch thirty minutes of television while I finish eating or as a transition into my day.

Then I pull out my computer and I write something. Today, I finished the final edits on an essay about motherhood that I'd worked on last week. Before that, it was writing essays for my book manuscript that is almost coming to a close.

Once I've done my writing work I rest a bit, or do some chores, or run some errands, or poke around on social media in my support group, or check the news. In the afternoon I write some more if I'm feeling ok, or I rest if I'm not. Maybe I watch a little more television or maybe I don't. Maybe I run some more errands or maybe I don't. And then I start getting ready to cook dinner.

I love my current life because I get to work on the stuff I want to work on (instead of stuff I hate doing every day), I have very low daily stress (except when I worry about how/when I'll find another job), and I get to rest as much as is required (without having to check my emails constantly to make sure nobody is looking for me). It's a life I could get used to and relax into forever but, unfortunately, that I can't stay in for too long. I don't want to be a total shit of a wife and put that type of burden on my husband.

But I do hope to create this life again for myself someday, and I think the only way I could get there is to write something that is successful and that gets people to notice me. And this requires putting my work out there and getting things done. So the focus of my time during this medical sabbatical, when I'm not resting and otherwise trying to survive, is on getting things written and ready for publication. Every single day.

I don't pretend that the path I dream of following is easy, because it isn't and most people don't achieve it at all. But what I do know is that it feels good and it makes me happy, and it sits perfectly with my soul. I was reading an article in a magazine last night about how we should really pay attention to the things we do. Does it feel good? Does it give us peace? Does it create happiness? If so do it because it's your life purpose.

Ok, I'm doing it. But I'm leaving it up to whomever is in charge of this universe to get me to where I'm supposed to go. My job is to write and to get things done. I have to strive, I have to try, I have to put my whole heart into it because none of this is going to happen with crossed fingers and silent prayers.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Concentration

For the first time ever in the history of Monday mornings, I got to wake up with one task in front of me: to work on my book manuscript. I didn't need to worry about money, about food, about shelter, about my job. In fact, I didn't need to worry at all. I needed to instead focus on doing only that which nourishes my spirit.

And wow is it a great feeling.

I've talked about how I was about to step into a new chapter in my life, which has been coming since I made the decision to end the old one in late November. Well, today was page one in this chapter. A big blank page that I filled up completely and even spilled over into adjacent pages, as I poured my energy out and into my work.

Today I've written, not including this blog, 3500 words (about 13 pages) for my manuscript. Some of it is probably good and some if it probably awful, but I believe this is the most writing I've ever done in one sitting - and probably because I had the time and mental energy available to give.

I've always felt that I had a lot to say but that it was stuck behind a cement wall. I've written before about how I felt it cracking, little slivers of light poking through and a cool breeze tickling my cheek. But I think it's cracking open even further on the heels of a really rough few years. And it's so big now that I can see the sun.

I wonder when this wall will crumble away completely so that I can fully step into the light?

I've given myself four to six weeks of concentration (on my personal work) and rest (for my body and spirit). With 262 pages now under my belt, I'm feeling rather confident that I'm about to have a book ready. One that is finally me and that perhaps I'll be able to start shopping around by summertime.

We'll see, though. Let's not get too far ahead of myself.

For now I am glad to have had a rather productive day and I'm going to leave it on a high note. I don't know what I'm going to do next since it's only 3:00 in the afternoon, but I think perhaps reading is a good idea. Or maybe I'll poke into my local Target and pick up a couple of things we need. Or maybe I'll stare out the window at the clusters of naked branches that make up the trees that are rooted along the sidewalk.

The nice thing is, no matter what I decide to do, I feel free.