Sometimes You Should Write Crap

Tonight I committed myself to writing crap. Because if I don't write crap, how will I ever write something that's non-crap?

I decided to start a new blog to use exclusively for this experience, since writing by hand can't keep up with my speeding brain once I get going. It's a private blog and only available for my eyes, so don't go looking for it out of morbid curiosity. I'll save the train wreck reading experience for myself.

Most artists (it seems) have a litany of random pieces of work - both finished and unfinished - that never see the light of day. So I figured I ought to have some of those by now. Er, some more of those by now (I already have three unfinished books).

I do have a drawer full of journals, but I don't really think journaling counts (especially since I journal, like, thrice yearly these days). But when I journal I'm not being creative or trying to connect with a special part of myself that I want to share. I'm pretty much documenting my day or bitching about some aspect of my life journey.

Hence the new (private) blog. It will be specifically used for my art and to create as much crap as I possibly can. And you know what? I already created my first piece of crap tonight. I called it "Firefly" because I saw some fireflies at the park and I wanted to write about that experience.

So I sat down, started typing, and found that I didn't really have much to say when it came down to it. I find this happens quite often, and I usually become very discouraged and resign myself to being a failure forever (italics are for added drama). But this time I fought actively to not let my brain go there. I told myself to keep writing, even if the words I was typing already looked like absolute crap.

And that's a good thing, because when I was done with the ultra short piece I'd written, I noticed there were a couple of good sentences nestled in there. I read them and said to myself, "Huh, well that sentence isn't bad at all." And maybe if I keep on with it, over time I'll get more good sentences and less crap.

It seems like this week has been transformative in that I've decided that my work is not mine. Because is it really? Everything I do and everything I am is controlled by something larger than myself. So my goal now is to just get out of the way. To write the crap so that the good stuff can come out, and to stop focusing on it being crap.

The crap is mine. It's what's blocking the good stuff from coming out. And the good stuff belongs to a higher power.

Well, at least that's the path I'm going to follow for now. And by now, I mean tomorrow. Because it's late and it's time to go read a book!