I Feel So Guilty!

...for working as a writer, that is.

Ok, well, sort of. I spent most of my career working as a technical writer before moving on to marketing work, instructional design, and even a stint as a public school teacher. But those were all corporate jobs (well, not the teaching, duh) and to be honest, they paid as such. I got paid well.

But I hated it.

Today I'm a freelance writer. And as I wrote in my last post about putting energy into your art, most of my writing energy goes to stuff that makes money for my family. And those often aren't things that light a fire in my creative mind (drywall, anyone?). But I don't hate it. In fact, I don't dislike it most of the time. And if we're going full out honest here, I enjoy it quite a bit. Especially as compared to my stuffy corporate jobs.

But let's also be honest in that I only make a fraction of the amount of money I used to make as a peon with a cubicle. And while I'm glad to make the trade, I also feel very guilty about it. Guilty about making my living as a writer. Guilty about spending time working on manuscripts that I love, but that don't contribute anything (yet) to our financial bottom line. Guilty about the hustle of going from one freelance project to the next and not really ever being sure of what's coming along.

But I've decided that I've just got to get over myself. I think as human beings we do way too many things out of guilt. Or obligation. Or societal pressure. And I don't think it's very good for our human spirits.

I often worry that I don't bring in enough bacon (hmm...tofu?). Which isn't the case if I pull out a spreadsheet and look at it with my objective mind. It's just that I'm comparing my world to an old version that no longer exists. And that I don't want. And that really, I run screaming from.

So what I need to do instead is put my energy into my work rather than into guilt. Because the only person making me feel guilty is myself, nobody else. And what a waste of time that is!