Figuring Out How To Use Your Gift

I'm trying to write every day now that I've restarted the engine. And some days I don't know exactly what I'm going to write about. But I figure, I've been trying to do this writing thing for like 10 years. Even when I quit for a long while - and swear that I'm not a writer and never will be - something brings me back to it. So I try once again not to give up.

I think it's what you have to do with most things in life - not give up. Although maybe there are appropriate times to give up, or times to give up on elements of the thing you were chasing after. But if you have a skill or a talent, I would say, don't give up until you can figure out how you're supposed to use it. What you end up using your talent for could be very different than what you were originally chasing. Or even, the first 10 things you tried to chase.

Let's suppose you are a really good actor and you want to be in the movies. And you've chased that dream for a long while - 10 or 20 years perhaps. You even moved to LA. You take classes. You audition. You do everything you're supposed to do to achieve your dream.

Is it possible that maybe you're supposed to be a really awesome acting teacher? That you're supposed to use your talent for some other purpose than what you keep chasing after?

This is sort of how I'm viewing my writing lately. I know I'm good at writing because I've gotten feedback to that effect since I was 16 years old. But after a lot of failures, I know I'm not good at certain types of writing (or at the type of writing - fiction novels - I had been chasing after). And this was quite devastating to me for a really long time. It still is, I suppose.

But maybe there's a different way I'm supposed to use this gift I have. And maybe it's not anything glamorous, and maybe it won't affect millions of people. Maybe, though, it will affect a few.

From age 18 to about 35 I kept wanting to be something "important" like a teacher or a scientist or an activist or a nonprofit director. Or, you know, a bestselling writer. And I was chasing that idea of "being great" for so long that I couldn't look at what was available to me, right in front of my face.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I began to see things more clearly, left my corporate job, and struck out on my own because I knew I wasn't going in the right direction anymore. And even then it took me a while to abandon the "importance" ship and just go with whatever the flow might be.

I think life can surprise you if you're just open to what comes. I'm a writing business of four now, and I only wanted to be a business of me (and only to support my "real" pursuits of being something great). This has been a surprise. It is also what allows me to tend to my health issues without being destitute.

So I say, carry on with what you're doing. But don't be afraid to open yourself to the different ways your unique talent might be used by the world. It's probably not the way you wish it was, but it might turn out to be better than you could have imagined.